My Life, A Radio Talk Show Special
by Jen Riddle
Summary: Lily Black? Rubbish! I wasn't a pureblood! Now all I wish is that I hadn't become Sirius' Sister. I was in love with James. But i couldn't have him. Not after the deal with Sirius... I ruined it for myself. LEJP
1. My Life, A Radio Talk Show Special

Yes yes, another story by the fabby Jen Riddle! I randomly came up with this idea, the story was just going to be the avrage James Lily fic... but it kinda changed..

Larger Summary: I lied to everyone at hogwarts. Lily Black? Rubbish! But I wanted to keep it that way. I wanted to be Sirius' sister. But he made me promise i would never, _never_ date James Potter. He was his friend. He didn't want him taken away. I stupidly agreed. And the only larger lie I made, was lieing to myself. I was truly in love with James Potter. But I told myself I wasn't. Now all I want is him back.

My Life, A Radio Talk Show Special

By Jen Riddle

Chapter One: Prologue and The Day We Met

March 26th 2005

A/NI apologize for any type-os or mispellings, I don't have spell check but I try to read it over a few times before putting it out :)

* * *

Prologue 

My life was a lie. The whole thing. Well okay, maybe not my life. But my identity was lie. Lily Black? What rubbish. Who would want to be sister of Sirius Black anyway? Well, I did sort-of ask for it.

And to this day I still don't know why I did it. But I lied to the whole school. I told them I was a pure blood. Can you believe it? Lily Evans? A pure blood? It was so _stupid_. _I _was so stupid! Why would anyone care if I was a muggle born anyway?

But most of my life at Hogwarts I was known as Lily Black. Sister of Sirius Black.

Oh yes, and I was known as James Potters property.

Ah was he madly in love with me! He pestered me day in and day out just to get one date with me! But I couldn't, I couldn't date him! For one, he was my 'Brothers' best friend. That and.. well… Sirius made me stay away from him. Unless I wanted the whole school to know I was a muggle-born, I wouldn't date Potter. I wouldn't.

So I constantly said no to him. And I made myself believe I wasn't inlove with him! I honest to god believed it! Well, most of me did. But deep down in my heart I pined for him. I needed him, I was in love with James Potter.

They say if you love someone, let them go. We'll, that's what I did. I let James Potter go. Its so hard… knowing he was there, he was mine, and I couldn't have him.

I guess I'm just another one of those girls who goes on Radio talk shows about how they lost their loved ones…

My Life. A Radio Talk Show Special.

How Sweet.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Day we met.

It was smoltering. I remember the heat so well, I was sweating like a pig and who could blame me? I was nervous, my first time to the platform, my first time to the train, my first time at hogwarts.

It was while I was trying to stroll my cart down through Kings Crossing that I first met Sirius and James. No, Sorry, this isn't going to be another one of those "I dropped my stuff and he helped me pick it up, and then he stared into my emerald green eyes and declared, 'I Think I'm in love'" Stories.

Heck no, this is way different.

"Are you gona go or not?" James yelled at me as I stood in front of the barrior.

"Um…" I said quietly. If you didn't know, I was a muggle born, and hell, there was no

Platform 9 and ¾ in Kings Crossing! I'd been here a million times! So I stupidly stood next to the wall inbetween platforms 9 and 10

"Its just another Muggle, James, push past." I heard Sirius laugh from behined me. I turned around.

"Ex-excuse me?" I asked inapropriatley. I was _not _a muggle. Not anymore. I turned around to see two eleven year old boy. It was clear to me they were Magical, with the broomsticks and Owls they held.

"I said get away, we have places to go." Sirius complained.

"Well… so do I… I just… don't know how." I said quietly, a tad embaressed.

"Well you see, you put one foot in front of the other… and you…" James tried to help… tried very poorly.

"I didn't mean walking you twit! I know very well how to walk!" I snapped at Potter. James and Sirius looked taken-aback.

"Well then, get going. We need to go too." Sirius nodded. Then it hit me, did they really think I was a muggle? I was going to play with their heads.

"Then go ahead, theres plenty of space beside me." I snickered. Sirius and James exchanged their 11 year old glances.

"We uh…" James stuttered.

"Just _move._" Sirius ordered.

"Nope, sorry, you see, I'm trying to find this platform. And well, it very well doesn't exist." I said, hopeing they'd catch my drift. The boys looked at eachother again.

"First Year? Muggle Born?" James asked. I hesitated, then shook my head. I didn't want people to know I was a muggle born.

"First Year. Uh… Pure Blood. My parents went off on vacation this week. Could you… erm.. Show me…" I asked. Sirius and James laughed.

"Just move aside." Sirius laughed. I did as ordered, and then watched as Sirius began to run. I was confused, then scared, He was about to run into the wall! I gulped and then… as he hit the wall.. he… he went through. James must have seen the stunned look on my face.

"You sure you're not a muggle born?" He asked, then did the same as Sirius.

I decided that that was the only way I was to get through to the train. So I stedied myself infront of the Barrior, a few feet away. I took a deep breath, and held it. Then ran as quick as I could, hopeing I wouldn't get stuck inside the wall. I closed my eyes as I was about to hit, but when I didn't hit anything, I re-opened them

There was the train! It was magnificent! I couldn't believe my eyes, so many magical families! Parents crying and waving to their kids, kids chatting up with their friends, friends hugging. And all the broomsticks and owls and cats and wands! Oh, I was going to get used to this quick.

"I never caught your name?" I heard a voice behined me, and a tap on the shoulder told me it was adressed to me.

"Huh? Oh uh…" I looked around for a second… "Lily… uh…"

"Black." Sirius interupted, I swung my head at him. "Sister Lily." He smiled slyly. "May I have a word?" He asked. "Oh and about erlier James, Dear Lily and I both thought we could pretend we didn't know eachother while we were at hogwarts… sorry… no luck." He nodded to his friend, then pulled me away and onto the train.

"So who are you really?" He asked. "I know your not a pureblood. I know them all."

"Lily Evans." I sighed after a moment of debating in my head wether to tell him the truth or not.

"And you want to pretend you're a pureblood…. Why?" He asked.

"I…I don't know." I said, and it was the honest truth, I had no idea. Was it because I didn't want to feel like an outcast? Because I wanted people to accept me? I don't know. And that was the mistake of my life, saying I was a pure blood.

"Anyway, I'm Sirius Black." Sirius extended his hand. I shook it slowley.

"Its nice to finnaly know my new.. brother? Did you say?" I asked. Sirius nodded.

"I've always been an only child… Oh wait… nevermind. I try to forget about… oh what was his name… Regulus… yeah that's it." He grinned in amusment of his own self. I nodded not sure as to if Sirius was an escape from the Asylum.

"Well… if it makes you feel any better… I know for sure I'm not an only child." I smiled sweetly. Sirius laughed a little.

"Just a bit." He said. "Oh and uh… don't worry about other people knowing if I have a sister or not… the other pure bloods don't pay much attention to that rubbish anyway. They just want to know who's the snobbiest." Sirius grinned as there was a knock on the door and James entered.

"So Lily Black is it?" He asked, taking the seat across from me and next to Sirius. I nodded.

"Well, Siri, old mate, why didn't you tell me you had a sister?" He asked. Sirius laughed.

"Old mate then, is it? A whole 10 minutes and I'm an old mate? Well James, _new buddy, _It never came up in our 10 minutes of chat." He said.

"I see." James ran a hand through his hair. I watched as he stared at me through his hazel eyes. I turned away quickly. I didn't want people watching me. I was now hiding a secret, I couldn't look at anyone.

"James, mind giving me one more moment with my sis? We need to disscuss…" Sirius didn't know what to discuss. I could tell.

"Family matters." I answered.

"Yeah." Sirius grinned at his friend. James nodded, gave me a wink (Which I brushed off) and then left the compartment.

"James is my friend now, my only friend." Sirius warned. I sat there thinking _were eleven… you can get plenty more friends… hell look at you your drop dead handsom!_ "And." He continued. "I don't want you taking him away. I can already tell he has a thing for you, Lily Evans. Don't, ever, go out with him Lily. Or I'll expose your secret. Don't take away my friend."

I gulped, then nodded. Never would I date James Potter. I thought it was no big deal, why would I want to date him anyway?

* * *

Well then, tell me how you like it! Was it rubbish? Fantastic? Do you want to murder me? Do you love me? Do you think I'm awsome? Do you want to immaturley flame me into oblivion? (That sounds fun…)

Jen Riddle


	2. My Life, A Romance Movie Worth Millions

Thanks my marvy reviewers! You guys rock my socks! Almost as much as Rancid, Mest, and MxPx rock my socks!

Heres some shout outs!

Stargirl1066lkl- Aw thanks so much. I like Draco/hermione too. I have a story w/ them (Reunion Resort and Reunion Resort 2) I also like Blaise/Hermione (Like mah story The Dark) and Blaise/ginny a lot too.

bluferret- Heh You'll find out later. For now you can just assume its cuz their stupid 11 year olds.. lol. Thanks I'm glad you liked the plot and oh gosh I feel really stupid now for forgetting petunia… god I'm retarted… I fixed it tho. Lol.

Brighton Baby- Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it. I'm usually not good with humor so I'm trying!

Bumperz- Aw not the man eating sporks! Not AGAIN! Ack! Updates asap

names are overrated- Thankies a lot. Yeah this fic is kinda AU… I guess… I completley hate having no Spell Check its so bloody annoying:( I'm glad u liked the fic tho! Lack of coffee… oh no… Raids the jelly beans for easter… Gives some too you.. Shifty Eyes O.o

Thanks again my reviewers!

Now go eat some peeps and happy easter!

BTW did you know they make peep stuffed animals? I told my mum that if she loved me she'd get me one 4 easter cuz I'm completley IN LOVE with Peeps!

* * *

Sirius and I both thought the plan was great, no one would know Sirius and I really weren't related. It was perfect. Untill we entered the great hall.

"Sirius! Sirius!" I shook him forcefully, but quietly.

"Whattt?" Sirius moaned.

"They're going to call for Lily _Evans!_" I whispered. Sirius looked at me, then up at Professor McGonagall.

"I'll worry about it." He nodded. Then he started jumping up and down waving his hand.

"Sirius Black are you going to start trouble already?" McGonagall called. The whole hall was now laughing at Sirius attempt to get attention, I blushed for him.

"No Ma'am! I don't think my sister here, Lily Black isn't on the list! She was… uh.. gona go to Dumst-whatever and now she switched! Can you check?" He asked. McGonagall pursed her lips then looked at the list of names. She shook her wand and a quill appeared, I tried hard not to gasp, but a few other first years did. Then I watched as she wrote something down.

"Yes Mr. Black. Miss Black is now on the list." She nodded. Sirius smiled.

"Good." He said. "Its okay Lily, they won't forget you." He added placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded slowley, still blushing.

"And next time, Miss Black, I want you to be indipendent. Don't have Mr. Black here doing things for you." McGonagall said with a deep glare at the two of us. I nodded quickly, not wanting to get in trouble my first day.

Not knowing I was already in enough trouble with myself.

* * *

"So Lily Black is it? Your brothers so gorgey." A girl whispered in my ear as she took a seat next to me at the Gryfindor table, which Sirius and I had just been sorted into. Along with James also, to my displeasure. This would just make things harder.

"Uh.. Yeah…" I smiled. "Lily Black."

"I'm Cyrena Valquez." She said. I looked at her again and realized her beauty. She had long strait black hair and beutifull tan skin. It was so opposite of my Red hair and pale skin.

"Nice to meet you…" I said. But next I turned so I wasn't looking at her, I was looking across the table at the person James and Sirius were speaking to. He had light brown hair and bright blue eyes… but when he looked at me I could tell he was hiding something…

"I'm sorry." He said.

"What? For what?" I asked, completley confused, and breaking out of my hypnosis in his eyes.

"Because your related to this… human?…" He said acknowlaging Sirius, who also turned to me and gave me a cute little grin, making me laugh.

"Its not so bad." I smiled. Remus nodded.

"I'm still sorry." He said.

"Thanks." I fake laughed this time and took a bite of mashed potatos.

* * *

"Oh he's so dreamy! Him and James Potter and ohh Remus Lupin! Have you seen Remus' eyes! Oh their so marvy!" One of my classmates, Romana Green sighed as she brushed her long blonde hair into a pony tail before bed. She of coarse, was talking about Sirius. He was the talk of the 1st years and many of the 2nd years. Some of the upper classmen were also discussing how he would be the next 'School Heartthrob' when he got older.

"I heard he likes you Lily. James Potter does." Another girl, Erica Tompson, mentioned. I looked up from the game of exploding snap Cyrena was teaching me how to play. ( I told her I was locked in a closet most of my life and dissowned… she believed me)

"What? No." I said, fake laughing. But inside it was more a nervous laugh.

"Your so lucky Lily!" Romana jumped onto the bed inbetween Cyrena and I.

"Nah. He's just another guy." I said.

"Yeah, theres nothing special about James Potter… But… Sirius… oh Lily you have to hook me up with him!" Cyrena begged. I laughed again.

"Roma, you can have James. Really." I said, then looked back at the Exploding Snap game.

"Really?You don't like him? But look at him!" She sighed again. I did. I looked at him a lot. I looked at him when I shut my eyes, when I was looking into space I pictured his face. But I couldn't have him.

"He's nothing." I said quietly. Then I handed Cyrena my cards. "I'm tired." I said.

"Have good dreams about James." The 5th girl gryfindorr, Opal Dean said with a smile at me before I shut my curtians and laid my head unto the pillow.

I was only eleven years old. But I was in love.

Sadly, it wasn't to my knowlage that I would be hearing about these boys for the rest of my hogwarts days. Soon, before christmas of 1st year they adopted Peter Pettigrew into their clan. This confused many of the people at hogwarts, (Mainly the girls who stalked their group excessivly), why would boys like them take a chubby little nit-wit into their group? I duno, but they did. And let me tell you, he got on my nerves like no other.

It was around Christmas time that he first asked me 'the question', too.

"Black, Hey Black!" I heard someone call. Luckily I was getting used to my new last name so I turned around quickly to see James Potter running down the hall after me.

"Yeah?" I asked, I was on my way to dinner, the last day before most students left for christmas break.

"What are you doing for break?" He asked as he caught up with me.

"Staying here." I told him.

"Why? Sirius is going home? Why aren't you?" He asked. Of coarse Sirius and I had gone over this before. He was going home for break (He hated the fact that he'd have to, but like I said, he had to.) And I would stay here, if anyone asked, I was working on an extended project. (That and Cyerna still believed my family hated me)

"Project." I shrugged with fake sullenness.

"Oh, well.. uh Black… I uh…" He said.

"What are you doing over break?" I interupted

"Me? Oh I'm um… well it depends… Lily, you wana go out with me?" He asked. My eyes widended and it took all my effort to hide a smiled, but I couldn't say yes. I shook my head and thought of an excuse.

"Potter you're my brothers best friend. It would be so wrong." I said. He laughed a little.

"Aw c'mon Black. You know you want to." He said, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head.

"Sorry, no." I said politley. Then I left him heartbroken (to my knowlage) James in the hallway as I walked to dinner.

Sometimes I think back and wonder what would have happened if I said yes. If James and I would have dated…

Maybe my life wouldn't be a radio talk show special

Maybe it would be a Romance Movie that makes millions….

My life, A romance movie worth millions.

* * *

There ya go, chappy two! I'll be fast forwarding the years quickly. I'm thinking that most of the story will be in 6th year, possibly 7th. I duno, when their older though. The first few chapters will be mostly explinations and backstories and stuff. 


	3. My Life of Hidden Love

Well, my gorgey gorgey readers.. I haven't done a disclammer in AGES so

I, Jen Riddle do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters.

Now for review shout outs!

Stargirl1066lkl- Well, most of this story is AU, so I'll make sirius AU and he'll be smart ;) Kinda…

drumer girl-Thankies!

Brighton Baby- pppeeepppsss mouth waters lol aww that sounds like an awsome shirt :)

ksanka- Anna, have I ever told you how much I LOVE your reviews! Well, you should keep coming on and reviewing my stories. Cuz im cool ;) Sirius is cool in this story too, so u should definitly keep reviewing! And I laughed last so I laughed the laughingest :)

irgova- Thanks, I think it's a unique concept too, seeing as how I cam up with it in my own little head…never seen it b4 :

Ihateharryandhermioneshippers- I like h/g a lot, and f/a but I don't rlly like the others.. O.o.. I duno, im weird, but if I like the story concept then I'll read it neway :)

livingdead2010- Thank you!

steffy potter- aww thankies :)

Cooroo- I duno she cares because shes an 11 year old starting somewhere where she knows no one? Lets go wif that ;). I know I need to update Unheardvoice, its coming.

THANKS REVIEWERS! YOU ROCK!

Well, heres the story.

* * *

I don't know if I've mentioned it before. But I tend to get nervous easily. It started when I made up _the _lie. I started to get a bit paranoid. I thought everyone could see through me. We'll that paranoia led to my obsession with my grades. If I kept them up, then I could simply hide behined my books whenever I got nervous.

There was a problem with that though. According to the Sirius Remus James and Petter list of Fittest girls at hogwarts that they made in 3rd year, I was number one. (To the possible displeasure of my "brother") Cyrena was in 3rd, right after Romana. Erica would have been in 4th, according to Sirius, but she was dating Remus, who wouldn't let them put her on the list.

Sadly, everyone knew me as James Potters property, so next to my name on the list was a warning scribbled in red ink that read: "Lily Black is Hot, I know, but you touch her and your dead!"

Everyone knew who wrote it. James Potter. I hid my grin at it, I pretended to be mad. Opal cried for about 2 hours because she didn't even get on the list of 10 people. The rest of us assured her that if it was just Pettigrew making the list, she'd be number one. It was common knowlage that Petter had a mad crush on Opal, they were both a bit… on the chubby side.

Even after that notice I was pestered by the Hogwarts boys, and got my first wizard boyfriend on the 8th of October in 3rd year. His name was Patrick Conley. A muggle born, like I, but he didn't know, of coarse.

We broke up in May at the end of 3rd year. And I swore that year was the worst for Potter. He feel even behined Sirius in the Class Grade Rank. In the meantime, Remus and I constantly battled for the top spot.

At the end of 3rd year, when Pat broke up with me, Remus surpassed me.

4th year didn't get much better in my guy luck. Other then the fact that James asked me out 24-7, any other guy that would come near me he'd hex into oblivion.

"That guys nuts." Cyrena complained to me while her, I and Roma played a game of Expoding snap.

"Who?" Roma asked.

"Potter!" Cyrena exclaimed. I nodded, as did Romana.

"But he's so hot. I don't see why you just go for him Lily." Roma suggested.

"Because he's somewhere on the insanity list between Dumbledore and Professer Grunner." I said refering to our Defense against the dark arts teacher. He often cursed his students and claimed it was 'Hands on Teaching'.

"That takes him somewhere to, Off his rocker, and… lets see… off his rocker." Erica added from reading her book on her bed across the room. We fell into a fit of giggles, but still behined it you could hear the scratching of a quill.

"Who are you writing to _now_ Opal?" Roma asked as we finnished our game. She got up to look over Opals shoulder, but Opal quickly hid away her writing.

"No one." She said.

"Opal were like bloody sisters! We spend nearly every moment together in this dorm, you can tell us." Roma pleaded.

"Oh hush up Romana." Opal comanded. I'd never seen her speak up to Roma untill then. Roma critisized nearly everyone in the school, she could be a bitch, and everyone knew it, but she could also be one of the sweetest girls you'd ever get a chance to meet, and that hardly anyone knew.

"What?" Roma stepped back.

"Were not like sisters, Roma. I hate you. Its your own frieking insicurities that make you continously put me down. Get a life." Opal pulled her curtians shut in Romas face.

"Whats gotten intoHer?" Roma said weakly and walked back to her bed, also closing the curtians. I think Opal may have been the only person to stand up to Romana.

Following that the rest of us began to drift into sleep, sadly I was awaken in the middle of the night, being shooken by none other then Roma.

"What?" I moaned.

"Lily… do you think… do you think I'm… mean? Do a lot of people hate me?" She asked. I sat up as she sat down on my bed also.

"I don't, Rome, Your like a sister, remember. But you know.. you do… hurt people a lot." I sighed. I heard Roma gulp.

"I'm sorry." She said. Even in the dark I could see a glint from her tears in her eyes.

"Its ok. People still respect you. Just.. try to get sleep Roma." I said. Romana bit her lip then nodded, getting up from my bed and leaving.

I got up after I heard her curtians shut, and quietly slipped down the stairs and then back up the boys dormitory stairs, and into the 4th year boys room.

I found Sirius' bed to be the one nearest the door and shook him awake.

"Uhrmmsrahhmmm" Sirius moaned and rolled over. I tried to hide a laugh before shaking him more.

"Sirius!" I hissed.

"whha?" Sirius' eyes blinked a few times. "Lily…" he moaned and then rolled onto his stomach.

"Sirius wake up!" I whispered again.

"No… Lily… the marshmallows… we need to… eat… the marsh…" Sirius sleep talked. I bit my cheeks to not laugh and then he sat up.

"Good now cmon---" I stopped as Sirius picked up his pillow and took a bite at it. This time I couldn't hide my laughter.

"Marshmallows… evil… eat…" Sirius blabbered.

"LILY?" I heard someone gasp. I tried to sit up from where I'd fallen on the floor in my fit of laughter.

"James!" I gasped.

"What the bloody hell are you… what is Sirius doing?" He stopped as Sirius was punching his pillow.

"The evil marshmallows are attacking." I laughed.

"Right… well you get those marshmallows Sirius." James smiled. Sirius nodded and then fell with a soft 'thump' back onto his back.

"So what are you doing?" James asked.

"I needed to talk to Sirius." I said.

"At 3 am?" He asked. I nodded. "C'mon." James said, pulling me up off the floor. I followed him down into the common room.

"So what did you need?" James asked as he sat down on the red love seat infront of the now put out fire. He raised his wand through the dark, and with a flick the fire lit. He patted the seat next to him, and I skepticly took it.

"Stuff." I said, with a shrug.

"So you'll tell your brother, and not me? C'mon he tells me everything anyway." James said.

"Romana thinks people hate her." I said, not looking at him. James laughed. "What?" I asked.

"People worship Romana." James said. "Your brothers mad in love with her, you know?"

"He wants Roma to be another one of his snogging sessions?" I asked. James shrugged.

"You know, he says he loves a lot of the people he just usses as snoggers, but.. I see him stare at her… Its like.. maybe its real. Maybe its like the way I love you."

* * *


	4. My Life as an advice counselor

**UBER IMPORTANT NOTE: IF YOU'VE EVER READ MY SONG FICTIONS, OR WERE PLANNING TO, I TOOK THEM OF FF BECAUSE OF THE NOTICE OF POSSIBLY GETTING MY ACCOUNT FROZEN! I HAVE AN MSN GROUP FOR FANFICTIONS, YOU CAN LOOK AT IT WETHER YOU HAVE MSN OR NOT! THE LINK IS MY HOMEPAGE ON MY BIO!**

Sorry its taken so long, I'm allways getting myself into trouble and being grounded O.o Im sorrryyyyy

But thanks to my TONS of reviewers you guys rock! Heres some shout outs!

Vix – thanks a lot :)

Kelsey – I know, its so sweet haha. O.o

ShadowOnTheMoon – Thankies :) Im glad you like it.

steffy potter – Lol really? Blush Thanks!

Cooroo- lol thanks, I try to be funny but normally im better at Angst O.o

Darling – oohhh thanks a lot! I fixed that and I ow you tons! Me and my stupid mistakes… twidles thumbs

livingdead2010 – thanks a lot, I know we all feel for lily sigh muahaha

drumer girl – lol sorry it took so long, your giddy aunt, eh? Haha.

Tsar Kelsey – Ooo I like that name.. I'll try to work it in :)

names are still overrated- haha who says they don't suspect it? Aww my jellys cries gets more hides them with my drugs waiit I don't do drugs… O.o

irgova- Thanks :)

Chelle-Lynn- thank you, I will.

Ihateharryandhermioneshippers – lol oh I don't think so… who knows

Brighton Baby- I miss peeps… you can't find em when its not around the holidays :( lol im glad your shirt was fine :)

Thank you guys A LOT I love your reviews, Keep them comnin'!

Now for the story:

(As always, i apologize for type-os.)

* * *

By 5th year I was still set on the top of the FGIH (Fittest girls in hogwarts) list. Romana was still in second, but according to my sourcess (Sirius) She was supposed to be in 1st, if James hadn't put up a fight about it. Cyrena was now in 4th and in 3rd was a ravenclaw girl named Terra Kindra. She was even worse then Roma, in my opinion, and the opinion of most of the hogwarts girls. Infact, her and Roma were practicly rivals. 

That's why the common room was filled with screaming one rainy day in late september of 5th year.

"I HATE HER I HATE HER I _HATE _HER!" Romana screamed as she dropped her bag on one of the coffee tables with a loud 'Thud'.

"What _now _Roma?" Erica asked with a sigh, not looking up from the paper she was writing on.

"Terra again?" Cyrena asked.

"Of coarse it was Kindra again! She's hell I swear!" Roma yelled as she pulled open her bag and shifted out a book.

"Mind telling us what she did? I'm sure the us marauder can find something to do back to her. You know… for a price." Sirius winked at Roma, who rolled her eyes.

"He was _mine_!" She pounded her fist on the table. "Chris Drungly was _mine_! But no! She had to go and steal him! SHE KNEW HE WAS MINE TOO!"

"Yeah, but did he know he was yours?" Opal mentioned sarcasticly.

"Shut up." Roma hissed at her. They hadn't exactly been the best of friends for a while. Opal laughed a little and then went back to working on her foot long History of Magic Essay.

"I'm going upstairs." Roma sighed. She picked up her belongings and began to move.

"Rome! You still have work to do!" Erica called after her.

'I'll do it later!" Roma yelled back. I gulped, and then followed Roma up the stairs, I found her sitting on her bed, hugging her knees, tears falling from her eyes.

"Roma.." I sighed and walked up to her.

"She's such a… a bitch." She cried.

"I know… I know.." I said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"I really liked Chris… but… she had to take him. Why would anyone choose her over me anyway? I'm number two on the list! She's three! I'm ahead of her."

"Roma.. that list is rubbish hun. The only thing its good for… is proving… proving that.. that someone likes you." I sighed, not looking at her.

"What? What do you mean? All anyone wants from me is a good snog." She said.

"That's not true… Roma… Last year… the night that you and Opal had your first fight? Remember when you came to me at like 3 a.m.?"

"Yeah, what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, after you went back to bed I went to talk to Sirius… and well… he didn't wake up, but James did. Well James and I went down to the common room and he.. he told me that… he thinks Sirius…"

"Roma Bridgette Green!" The door flew open with the yell. We both looked up.

"Mary? What…"

"What the fuck do you think is wrong with you?" A girl with long blonde hair came storming in. To my knowlage she was Romas sister, a 7th year gryffindorr prefect.

"I…"

"Tell me that the stuff I've heard about you isn't true?" She yelled. Roma just stared at her. "Oh forget it, Roma! I can't wait 'till im out of this place and away from you! Do you realize what your actions do to me? I think _not_." Mary slammed the door shut again, and more tears swelled Romas eyes.

"I hate her too! She believes all the rumors! It may do stuff to her but I think it's a whole lot worse for me!" Roma yelled. I sighed.

"Roma, Sirius is in love with you." I said bluntly. Roma stopped moaning and stared at me. "Not like he wants to use you, he actually loves you. James told me." Roma opened her mouth to speak, but when no words came out she closed it again.

"My advice? Forget Chris, Sirius is great, he may be a bit of a… a player but, he's really sweet. Give him a chance" I smiled slightly at her then got up, and walked back down to the common room.

"Is she ok?" Erica asked when I returned. "I Saw her sister Mary stomping out of her fuming, mumbling something about Roma."

"Oh I think she's fine now." I smiled and began to work again on transfiguring my patato into a tea-pot. I shot my wand at it and it transfigured, then went back again.

"Whats the point of that?" Cyrena asked. I shrugged.

"Incase you have too many patatos, and not enough tea-pots." I grinned.

This time it was My Life, As an Advice Counselor

* * *

NOW WHAT I LOVE YOU FOR! REVIEW! 


	5. My life as a Self Hater

Shout outs!

steffy potter- Thanks! I Will!

livingdead2010- Thank you bunches! I am!

bananaslugg- Thanks. I think so too . Sorry It took abit

Cooroo- Oo okay! I think I'll check it out when I get a chance . Sorry I've been odly busy (haha yeah, me, busy… haha) Thanks!

luvin'it- Thank you!

blonk- Thanks a lot! Im glad you like it!

Oxlac- Woahhh really? I rock? That's so cool . haha thanks

The Magic Bringer- Um… sometime? Lol I can't Tell you!

heartbreakerginny- Thanks!

Ihateharryandhermioneshippers- haha thanks a good suggestion .

FizzingWhizbeez- Thanks! I have completley NO idea how this idea poped into my head.. I have no idea how my brain works .

always-blond- hehe I thot that was clever of me . Mary is Romas sister (as stated in the chapter lol) What did the rug say to the floor? Er… I honestly have no Idea! Lol –places scratch and sniff sticker at bottom of pool- GO SMELL!

Tsar Kelsey- Hah no I'm not frozen –whips sweat off forehead- glad you liked it!

Thanks reviewers! You guys rock my striped emo sox! (haha ok, my friend Tait said that to me today and It made me laugh… Its cuz Emo Kids, like yours truly, are so awsomely Rad . And if your like most other people on this planet, and don't know what Emo is. I might have to Shoot you with my patato launcher (er… not that I have one or anything…) Or hit you in the head with a blunt object!

If any of you have any ideas for chapter names, I'll try to work them in! Thanks to the people that have already given suggestions, I love them .

W0000 now unto the story!

* * *

When I was 16 I officialy had a stalker. And, this wasn't just _any _stalker. It was an annoying 1st year who seemed to think I was god. She followed me around constantly and laughed at nearly everything I said.

She told me she was an aspiring Head Girl, and wanted me to teach her the ropes. Other stories I'd heard around is that She, Jenny, wanted in with my… er…brother.

"So Lily." She asked as I made my way to dinner.

"What, Jenny." I asked irritated. I'd had about enough of everyone today. James had asked me about a total of 11 times in one day, a new record. Opal and Roma had gotten into another feud ending with Roma having green hair and Opals eyebrows being the size of James' ego (I.E. Very big), and some random 2nd year who happened to be walking by at exactly the wrong moment getting his fingernails painted a gaudy shade of brown and green. (That was coming from Opal. The whole world knows Roma cares more about her looks then well… anything. She'd rather die beutifull then have to walk around with her nails painted that horrid shade for a day)

"Why don't you date James?" She asked. "He's so marvy. You could have him too. Everyone knows that." She raised an eyebrow at me.

"You'll understand when your older. Jenny. Say, why don't you hang out with you little 1st year mates?" I asked. Jenny erupted into a fit of giggles.

"Oh Lily. They're much too young for me. I perfer the older people." She said. "And besides, if I'm going to be head girl when I'm older, I need to learn. Your going to be head girl, aren't you Lily?" She asked.

"Doubt it, Jenny. That roles already taken by Erica." I said.

"Oh Ericas brilliant. But your smarter. Wasn't it _you _and Remus fighting for number one?" She said.

"Jenny just _shut up_! Somethings are more important than grades!" I snapped on her then entered the great hall, taking a seat across from Cyrena.

"Something wrong, Lils?" She asked.

"Yeah. Fucking first years." I swore.

"Gee, Lily. You don't use that language often." Sirius snickered at me. I threw a roll at him. He caught it in his mouth. I'd swear he was part dog. If Sirius wasn't my brother, and I didn't already have a pet 1st year, I'd adopt him as my pet. It was speak of the devil as Jenny sat down next to me.

"Hi Cyrena. James, Remus. Erica…" She blushed a little then whispered "Sirius…"

The group parted in laughing murmers of "Hello, hi, 'lo, sup," and just plain laughter.

"So wheres Roma?" She asked. I looked at the others and none of us said anything. How could she not know? Nearly the whole school had witnessed it, how did she not see?

I swear Roma attracted fights. This time it was 10 o'clock at night, in the gryffindor common room, with Sirius. This time Sirius had told her off for snogging Hector Futer.

"Its _my_ choice, Black, why do you fucking care so much?" Roma screamed.

"Because your being a slut!" Sirius yelled.

"Yeah? And like your not a man whore yourself!" Roma threw a pillow at him.

"You don't get it Roma do you?" Sirius asked.

"Get what? That you hate me? If you hate me so much why do you care!"

"I Don't fucking hate you Roma! I don't want you being a slut because … I … I … I love you!" Sirius screamed.

"Well I don't want you being a Man Whore because I love you too!" Roma screamed back. The rest of us were staring in amazment. Did they realize what they'd just said? It took them both a moment… and then they just stared.

"I…." Roma mumbled. I saw Sirius blush. That was the first time I'd ever seen that. It was almost cute.

"Er…" Sirius bit his lip. Giggles erupted from many of the second and first years around the room.

"I love him more." I heard Jenny whisper from my side, and then stomp off.

"I told you." James whispered in my ear. I turned around.

"Told me what?" I asked.

"That Sirius loves Roma. I told you." He shrugged and began to walk off.

"He's going to hurt her." I dashed off after him, and out of the common room into the hall outside of the tower.

"What?" He asked.

"Sirius. He's going to hurt her. I can tell." I said.

"What are you talking about Black? Sirius is your brother… you know him as well, if not better, than I do. He would never hurt Roma." James sighed.

"Haven't you seen what he's done to the other girls he's dated?" I nearly screamed at him.

"What? Gave them a nice snog, let them become popular for a day, then send them off to date higher people then they ever would have before?" He asked. "Go and ask any of those girls if they regrette it, Black. Go ahead." James roared.

"POTTER! That's not what I'm bloody talking about! She really loves him! The rest of them just thought he was gorgey! James I'm scared… I'm just scared for Roma. She's never loved someone like this."

"Black… I've never loved anyone like you. But you couldn't give a fuck. You wont even give me a chance." Potter stared at me, I was speachless, then he stormed off.

I walked silently, and slowly back to the tower, then up the stairs, and into my bed.

"Lily?" Cyrena called. I didn't make a sound. I heard the door close, she must have assumed I was asleep.

I sighed into my pillow and let a tear drop out. I really wanted to give him a chance… I just couldn't.

I think I'm going to live my life in mourning over what I'd done to myself.

My life as a Self Hater.

* * *

Im sorry this chapters short, but I havent posted in a month, and I want to get it our before I forget. Hope you enjoyed though!

Jen Riddle

now click the review button and type in some blabbering nonsense.. or a nice note .


	6. My Life is So Confusing

I Have a list of reasons why I havent updated in like 2 months

A: I got a laptop and had to set everything up

B: The internet didn't work on my laptop

C: I went on vacation to Vegas and Arizona with my stepish-dadish dude.

D: My internet is just plain homosexual (Aka its gay and has gay intercourse with other gay internets… hehehe… sorry, inside joke…)

E: I have a life (Surprise, I know!)

F: I have friends who need people during summer break (I.E. They make me "Do" things)(Yes, I know, another surprise that I have friends)

G: I have family visiting from the ye ole town of Chicago (Its annoying as hell, really. I wana smack my grandma and tell her I'm 15, not 5.)

H: I've been WORKING! Yes, im Just full of suprises! Haha

I: It was my birthday and a bunch of my friends birthdays (HAPPY LATE BDAY, AGAIN ANNA! THE GHOST TOUR WAS FUNKY-AWESOME! I luv u like a sister mon petitte pally and I hope you liked the Georgia N book!)

J: I'm just a lazy bum-oley

K: I've been working on writing an actually NOVEL If I get bored I'll post it on fictionpress

L: WARPED TOUR! End of story 

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!

See! I had excuses

Now, my beutifull reviewers, I will thank you so maybe you wont hate me (As much)

singdownthemoonHorselver- Lmao! When I read your review I started cracking up! I love your randomisms and I say you run across the street and catch "Goldie" ahhh virtual confetti! One time my friend Anna gave me confetti online and I chocked on it and she wouldn't give my CPR because she didn't have a breathing barier and she didn't know if I had AIDS or not. So she told my BF to do it but hes like "Um… Jacki… your not _really _dieing." And I called him a party pooper and now anna gives me virtual confetti every chance she gets! Great story, I know! Maybe I'll work that into my story somehow…

ShadowOnTheMoon- Thanketh you!

The Magic Bringer- I know I'm a horrible mean author! Kill me now! Hehe

Kayane Joel- thanks so much!

FizzingWhizbeez- Heheh MAYBE! I'm not telling!

XXX

Little sammy was a punk rocker! Haha ok, sorry, I'm listening to Rancid and It just kinda.. you know… this is a good song that's all. (The Wars End) Ok… back to reviews…

XXX

always-blond- I don't get it… either….I mean.. HAHA THAT WAS HILARIUS! Hehe maybe I'll put the non-funny joke in my story somehow . Ummm I can't tell you.. use that thing in your head… I think Its called a brain or something .

heartbreakerginny- Thank you!

CrAzYaNdPsYcHo- Haha blabbering nonsense rocks! It Rox My red and Black stripped sox! (My EMO SOCKS!) w0000!

livingdead2010- thank you!

Chelle-Lynn- thank you lots! I like it too!

steffy potter- Sorry It took so long!

beachbabe17- I love it too! Haha thanks

Hazel Maraa- thanks!

Ok, I have a thing for lists 2day, so I think I'll put some lists in this chapter. Maybe at the beginning.

Read on:

* * *

I sat in bed the next afternoon, after class, with a piece of parchment laying out across my bed and a quill in my hand, ink in the other.

I made a T chart on the parchment. One collumn read "Reasons NOT to date James." And the other collumn read "Reasons TO date Potter"

In the 1st collumn was the answer: "The Deal"

The 2nd one had many more reasons: He's hot, He's sweet, he really likes me, He makes me laugh… ETC.

I soon gave up. This would never work. I was trying to convince myself that I really didn't want to go out with him, but inside all I could think of is why I should. I crumpled up the paper and threw it on the floor, and then stomped on it.

"This is Hopeless." I muttered to myself.

"What is?" Someone asked. I didn't think anyone was in the room. I looked around and say Roma brushing her hair.

"Oh… Um… Transfiguration homework." I shrugged. Her mouth dropped.

"We had transfiguration Homework!" She dropped her brush and ran to her trunk in worry.

"NO! No, Rome, I had extra work." I said. Roma sighed and sat down on the floor.

"Don't scare me like that. I'm trying to stay on top of my studies this year, you know that." She warned. I nodded. "I heard James and you arguing last night." She said.

"You did?" I asked, worried, had she heard what I said about Her and Sirius?

"Why don't you give him a chance, Lils." She stared into my eyes. I sat down next to her.

"It's complicated." I said.

"I see the way you look at him, Black, don't think you can play it off like you hate him or something. I bet you everyone else see's." She said. I sighed. "And besides, I'm sure Sirius would like James as his Brother-In-Law." Roma laughed a little.

"How--- oh." I fake laughed too and nearly slapped myself. I'd been Sirius' 'sister' for nearly 6 years, how had I forgotten for even that second?

"Well, I'm meeting Sirius down by the lake. How do I look." She stood up.

"Perfect." I told her.

"Thanks Lily. I duno what I'd do with out you." She smiled and walked off cheerfully. I bit my lip and laid back on the floor.

I started getting the feeling that I had to tell _someone_ about my secret. It was beating me up inside and maybe if someone knew I could get it off my chest. I normally told Sirius everything, but he already knew this, obviously, and also he was with Roma.

I stood up and walked out of the dorm, and then out of the common room.

Walks normally cleared my mind, and the halls were unusually empty at the moment. All I could hear was the soft sound of my footsteps against the ground.

"Miss Evans." I heard a soft voice. I turned around, but didn't see anyone. Who knew my real name? "Miss Evans." I heard the voice again. I looked in front of me, and then backed up to the wall. I was looking all around me, except for behined me where I was backing up, so naturally when I hit someone, I screamed.

"Headmaster!" I gasped, my breathing was heavy, and he gave a soft chuckle.

"I think its time we talked, Miss Evans." He said.

"How do you----" I started.

"Shh, Shh. In my office." He smiled. I followed the old man back to his offiice in silence. The only words spoken is when he cleared his throat and spoke the password to the stone in front of his office. They opened and a staircase erupted, we both walked in.

"How do you know?" I asked again when I was inside. He chuckled again.

"Miss Evans, I know everything." He winked. "Take a seat." He said. I sat down infront of his desk.

"I know first years get nervous when they're muggle born, but never before have I seen someone make a deal like this." He smiled a bit at me, it made me nervous.

"Headmaster… I…" I didn't know what to say.

"Your going to have to end it sometime." He stood up and began to stroke his Pheonix. "Its going to hurt you more in the longrun, then you think, Miss Evans. Take this as a warning. Now be on your way."

I stood up from my chair and walked to the door, and then turned around again.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No, But you will. When the time is right." He said. I walked out of his office and down the stairs. Wern't headmasters supposed to help you? This just made me feel worse, and more confused.

"Oi! Black!" Somone shouted as I left the office. I didn't turn around, but I knew it was Potter. _Not now_ I begged _Please not now!_

"Thought I'd never see you come out from there." He laughed catching up from me.

"Yeah… well I wasn't in trouble." I snapped.

"Woah, Woah, Chill. I get it." He said. I shook my head. _You'll never get it._ "Say, wheres you're pet firstie?" He asked. I moaned.

"Dead hopefully." I sighed.

"Aw, now Lily is that really how your going to treat first years when your head girl?" He asked.

"I'm not _going _to be head girl. Erica is." I answered.

"Evans, you and Erica have a different kind of smart. She just knows whats in the books, you… you have more sense. " He said. I shrugged. Oh yeah right I had sense. If I was smart I wouldn't have made that stupid bet.

"James… why do you keep being friends with me after I've never given you a chance?" I asked.

"Because A: I can't stay away from you, I'm addicted. And B: You're my bestfriends sister. I'm going to have to deal with you either way." He said simply, and then added a wink. I sighed.

"If I wasn't Sirius' sister, would you still be … er… addicted to me?" I asked. James gave me a weird look, and then laughed.

"Lily, I don't like you because you're his sister." He smiled, looked at his watch and then cursed.

"I gotta go, See ya Lils!" He smiled, kissed my cheek, and ran off. I stopped, and felt the spot on my cheek that he kissed.

My life is so confusing...

* * *

THERE! now stop complaining!


	7. My Life, a Confessional

I'm so sorry, everyone. Life has just caught up with me and smacked me in the face and then chained me down into its filthy pits of busyness.

I'm not going to say much more, so we can get as quickly as possible to the story, but I have posted many new poems on my fiction press account.

I have also been working on improving my writing ability, and I have been writing my own stories, no fan fictions.

Now for the wonderful reviewers who mean the world to me:

Hazel Maraa- I know! I'm sorry, this one will be long!

drumer girl- All I have to say is I'm sorry!

FizzingWhizbeez – Hah, well she'll tell… sometime. XD

Kayane Joel- Thank you

always-blond- You blonde people make me giggle

steffypotter- Well, this chapter is very much-so longer x.X

fab- Hah, no, its just me and my stupidity showing.

Teehee- yay :)

cooroo- Its okay! Sorry it took me so long to update!

oxymoronique- hah, okay! Thanks :) And really, I can't be THAT good… or can I?

cec123- Hm… A very big mistake. If I was her I'd probably have killed myself by now…

LaughingManiac- I think you're the reason I just updated, because of that review. Everyone else owes you a big thank you.

THANKS REVIEWEE'S!

Now, I'll try to stay on top of things, but no promisies. This chapter is long and I hope you enjoy it. I hope the chapter title gives you some nice clues… Annnd maybe It will help you go insane wanting to read it. Sorry if you have to go back and read the rest of the story before you read this chapter. I know, I'm mean. I still love you guys though.

Also, this chapter might seem like it has a different writing style. I think this is purely because… I'm… BETTER! W0000. ENJOY!

Chapter 7

My Life, A confessional

One of my favorite things to do is take walks late at night when it's quiet and dark. It's insanely peaceful. A problem with this is curfew. I'd always been too scared to go out late at night, my fear of being caught would always succeed over my need to clear my mind.

Another thing is that I always needed someone to go with and talk to. Before I came to hogwarts I had a neighbor who would join me. He was my age, and we would walk together. We were young, and care free, but somehow we still seemed to collect worries.

I knew well that none of the other girls in my house would join me in my late night adventure, though. Most of them would be too scared of perhaps breaking a nail or being eaten by one of the monsters rumored to be living in the forbidden forest. And that was one of the parts of my walks, to not be scared. If I was with someone that was in constant fear, it would ruin it.

Again, I needed someone to walk with, and not just a regular someone, someone I could confide it. The only other people I could consider friends, not just aquantinces, friends, in the school were the Marauders.

My first thought was Sirius. He was my brother after all, but what would happen if I slipped out the fact that James kissed me? Would he tell everyone the secret? I couldn't risk it.

Second was James, but this thought was only a split second. Why would I want to go with James again? It would probably make things more uncomfortable.

Third, was Peter Pettigrew. I knew he could keep a secret, he was always the quiet kid, but, then again, why would I want to go anywhere with him? He downright annoyed me.

Last, was Remus Lupin, and I couldn't believe I left him to last. He was perfect for the task. I knew I could confide any thing in him, almost everyone knew to go to him for advice. He was sweet and welcoming too. I also thought back to the first night I'd met him, how I knew he was hiding something. Maybe I could get that out of him.

It was already past cerfew when I set off to find him. I first checked the Common room, thinking he'd be working on late night homework like most students do at this hour, but he wasn't to be seen, I continued to the other end of the common room and set off up the staircase to the Gryfindor 6th years boys dormitory.

He was laying on his bed, staring at the top, and he was the only one in there. He sat up when I entered.

"Lily?" He questioned, puzzled as to why I had come in. "If your looking for Sirius he's gone to the Kitchens with James…"

"No, actually." I shook my head.

"Well, I'm the only one in here." He smiled politely. I nodded, and feeling as if I was stupid for even thinking to bring a Marauder on a walk with me, I turned to the door. As I grabbed the handle I mentally slapped myself. I needed this.

"Remus?" I asked. He was still watching me leave. He nodded. "I'm… going for a walk. Would you join me?"

"Erm…" He stood up and looked out the window. I assumed he was debating the weather. It was late September, it shouldn't be that cold. "Sure." He answered as he turned away.

5 minutes later we had carefully crept out of the castle and out onto the grounds of the school.

"I never imagined you as one to go out after hours, but I guess that's another reason why James loves you. Your full of mystery." He joked. I groaned, I didn't want to hear about James.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes. "I needed to clear my mind."

"So really, what's it like living with Sirius? A hassle? Annoying? Fun?" He questioned me.

"Its…" I debated how I should answer. "complicated."

"How so?"

"Well… never mind." My steps got gradually heavier, as if the weight of my secret was pounding me into the ground. I knew I had to tell him.

"Remus can you keep a secret?" I said quickly, and I was surprised when he understood what had slipped out of my mouth.

"Of coarse."

"I… I'm not Sirius' sister. I'm not even related to him at all." I confessed, stopping my walking.

"But…" He took a step back from me. I felt tears in my eyes; I didn't want something so stupid to ruin a friendship, that's never what I wanted. "Then who are you?"

"I'm Lily Evans. I'm a muggle born, I'm stupid." I admitted.

"Why did you lie to everyone?" He asked next, I could tell that questions were swarming his brain.

"I don't know! I met James and Sirius at the platform on the first day of the first year and… I told them I was pureblood… things just went on from there. But that's not even the worst part."

"Then what _is_? What could be worse than you lying to the entire school?" His voice was disbelieving.

"I'm in love with James." I said, a tear finally pouring over the edge of my eye and down my cheek?

"Then go out with him! Its not like he hasn't given you plenty of opportunities!"

"I CAN'T! If I do… and Sirius finds out… He'll tell the whole school my secret. He'll tell everyone, Remus!"

Remus scratched his head, and then he did the last thing I ever expected him to do at that moment, he hugged me.

"Now can _you_ keep a secret?" Remus asked after the hug. I nodded. "Only Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail know this."

I'd heard them use the codenames before, but I never knew what they meant.

"Lily…" He looked up at the moon, and then back down. "I'm a werewolf."

My breathing and my heart both stopped for a moment. Compared to this, my secret seemed immaculate.

"Your… a…." I took a deep breath and then released it. "Wow."

"Yeah." He sort of laughed, and nodded at the same time.

"I get it… that's why they call you moony!" I thought aloud. Remus just stared at me, as if finding it unbelievable that that was all I was thinking of at the moment.

I looked up at the moon also, just to make sure it wasn't full. Feeling relieved that it was only half, I looked back at Remus.

"I guess were both just hidden behind our own masks." I said. He agreed silently.

"Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are all animugi." He added after a few moments silence.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack!" I joked.

"No. Its true, unregistered of coarse." Remus nodded. "When they found out about my… well, Sirius calls it my little problem, they became Animugi. It was very dangerous of coarse, but that's what friends are for. So that whenever I'm going to transform, they can bare the pain with me. Sirius is a dog, a huge black one at that, James is a stag and well… Peter… he's a… rat."

I laughed at the last comment.

"So, they're all hidden too."

"Yep. Birds of a feather."

"Uh-huh."

At this moment the world just seemed so surreal, and somehow the weight of everything was gone. It wasn't just me hiding a secret anymore, and perhaps everyone was.

We returned inside after a few moments, and when we entered the common room the only people still awake was the remainder of the Marauders, Romana, and Cyrena.

Romana was laying on Sirius chest, and her head perked up when we walked in. Peter was joyfully throwing things in the fireplace and watching them burn, Cyrena was bent over her homework, and James seemed to be staring off into space.

"Where've you too been?" Sirius question. Everyone turned to us.

"Walking." Remus answered, I nodded. We sat down by them, and I noticed James giving a hateful glare towards Remus.

Remus, on the other hand, seemed to be entranced by Cyrena, his eyes didn't leave her. I wondered if he hadn't confessed all he had.

I carefully kept my eyes on James, just to be sure he wouldn't kill Remus, but my thoughts were interrupted by Roma.

"Why don't you just go out with him, Lily? Or at least stop staring." I glanced up at her, and now everyone was staring at me.

"What?" I tried to play it off.

"You're staring at James." She said. "So stop toying with him and go out with him already."

I was stunned that she was saying this in front of everyone. I felt nearly betrayed, I then looked at Sirius, he had the same strict look on his face that he did the day we made the deal.

"I wasn't staring at him, Roma." I said. Through the whole conversation I kept my eyes away from James, but I could tell he was watching me.

"Oh whatever."

"I'm… going… to the library." I lied, stood up, and left the common room.

When I was halfway down the first staircase I heard the portrait hole open and close again behind me, and then someone rush to catch up to me.

I turned around to see Sirius.

"You know that rule, Lily." He said.

"Yea. I do."

"Don't even lead him on, it's pulling him down, he just needs to get over you. I've been telling him this for 5 years now."

"I think its hurting him as much as its hurting me."

"Its hurting you? Lily you could care less about James. If you cared about him, you wouldn't be doing this to him! You would have given up long ago!"

"I can't…"

"Your just… selfish, Lily Evans, and I'm so fucking glad you're not really my sister."

"Sirius…" I paused staring at him. I couldn't believe he was so mad, he'd always been like a best friend to me.

"What did you say?" Another voice came from the top of the stairs. It was James. I stood, horror struck, staring at him.

"Have her tell you." Sirius said angrily and then stormed up the stairs.

"Lily? What did he say?" James walked closer down the stairs towards me.

"Nothing, James." I began walking away.

"The library's closed Lily." He called after me, and I stopped. He had a point. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished this night just wouldn't have happened. But when I re-opened my eyes, the only thing different was that now James was in front of me. I decided to do the only thing I could think of at the moment.

"James… I can't tell you right now. But when the time comes, I promise I will. I… I just want you to know… I love you."

He seemed almost as surprised as I was when I saw him on the stairs.

"Then why wont you have me?"

"I can't." I said, again, tears were falling from my face. "It's really complicated. But if you knew what was right for you, you'd move on. There are plenty of other girls that would die for just one date with you. They're all great, have one of them."

"I can't Lily. Sure they're great. But they're not perfect, not like you."

"Well James, I have a confession. I'm not perfect either, and like everyone else in this school, I too have secrets."

My Life, a confessional.


	8. My Life, A Dramatic Novel

**See how soon I'm updating! Be Happy! I'm doing this in hopes that you will read my newest story "Secrets Don't Make Friends"**

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**Chapter 8: My Life, A Dramatic Novel.**

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The next day was one of the most uncomfortable that I'd ever experienced. James seemed Happy, yet aggravated. Romana and Cyrena repeatedly asked me what had happened out in the hall, and on the walk. (Remus, Sirius, and James revealed nothing, thankfully.) Erica questioned what Romana and Cyrena were asking about. Sirius was still upset (Though I don't know why, I never broke any of his rules. Its not my fault James was in love with me, and of course, I was in love with James.) And Remus gave me weird glances as if to ask how I was doing during every class. By the end of Herbology Opal asked him if he had something in his eye and Erica was determined that I was dating her ex-boyfriend.

When Dinner came around I was ready to smack them all in the head. Its sad, when Pettigrew was the only one _not _annoying me.

Finally I left, only half done with my Pudding, and flinging my bag over my shoulder I made an early escape to the library.

The only people in the near silent library were a 4th year Hufflepuff, A 7th year Gryffindor who's name I knew was Todd Hennessey, I had heard the girls in my dormitory talk about his superior looks many times, and I also recognized his head boy badge, last was a 3rd year Raven claw.

I walked over to the shelf where I knew by heart included the book "_Student Records of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_."

I pulled it off the shelf. It had a bit of dust on it, I expect I was the only one that had touched it and that was in my second year, I had found it by mistake and became interested.

I flipped it open, and immediately turned to the "B" section of the index.

Finding the section with "Black" as the last name, I turned to it. Page 211.

There was a fair few of Blacks that had gone to Hogwarts. Right before Sirius was "Regulus A. Black"

A very short history was beyond it.

"Regulus is now rumored to be on sides with the Dark Lord" Was all it read.

I stared hard at this. The date in the book proved that it had to be Sirius brother, his real brother. My breathing was a bit heavier than normal. Why hadn't he told me this? Why didn't I know? Sirius' Brother, who most would expect to be my brother, was a Death Eater and I didn't know!

A shadow was cast across the book and I knew it was coming from behind me. I turned around quickly to see Todd Hennessey standing with a cute smile on his face.

"W-what?" I said quickly with a stutter.

"Whatcha' doing?" He questioned. I shrugged, and then shut the book quickly.

"Student Records? Doesn't seem like a class project to me." He raised an eyebrow.

"Its not." I said, again quickly. He shrugged, and then took the seat next to me.

"Doesn't seem like light reading, either." He eyed the book. It was in fact large, but after centuries of the castle being opened to students, it had to be.

"I was just… looking to see if… Uhm…" I paused. "If the records were current. You know, if it was truly a magical book and self added records." I lied. He nodded.

"And did it?" He asked.

"I…. don't know. I was too busy reading the history of my family…" I smiled a bit.

"Oh, well lets see." He grabbed the book and pulled it towards him. I went to reach for it back, but deciding it would be too risky I didn't. I prayed he would read about Regulus.

He flipped it open to page 211. I bit the inside of my lip.

"Nope. Not in here." He flipped back to the index. Found Hennessey, and flipped to his family history.

He frowned when he found it. "It's a shame I'm the last Hennessey left. We've had a long history at Hogwarts."

"Why's that a shame? Aren't you going to get married, have kids?" I questioned. He sighed.

"I never really found anyone I'd want to get married too. I'm beginning to give up." He said. I could hear censer sorrow in his voice.

"Your only 17, you've got plenty of time."

"I'm going to be so busy after Hogwarts, I won't have time. I've already got an intern with the ministry this summer, and if I do good at that the head of the department say's I'd be guaranteed a job, a busy one, but well paying." He shrugged.

"I understand. Yet, I still don't know what I want to do with my life." I laughed a bit. He smiled at me.

"Neither did I in 6th year, I didn't figure it out until I went to the ministry over the summer." He patted my shoulder "You'll figure it out."

I smiled at him, and he looked back down at the book.

"I'm in here." He said. He flipped back to the Index by year, and looked for my graduating class. "There's a Lily Evans. Gryffindor. And your brothers in here…" he paused and looked up at me. "Why aren't you."

I had frozen by this point, and stuttering, I made up another lie. "E-Evans is my… old last name… I was… a-adopted."

"Oh? The Blacks adopted you?" He asked. I nodded quickly, feeling impressed with myself.

"But no one else knows, please don't spread it around." I pleaded. He nodded. I grabbed the book before it could do anymore harm and placed it back on the shelf. When I walked back I grabbed my bag.

"I'm going to head back to the common room to work on some homework." I said, with my bag over my shoulder.

"May I walk you?" He questioned. I blushed a bit, and nodded.

On our hike through the castle towards the Gryffindor tower we talked about things I'd never be able to talk about with my friends, such as our enjoyment of books. The girls would have sighed and told me I should stop being such a nerd, and the boys would just laugh. I doubt they even knew how to read. Remus would be the only one I might be able to discuss with. Todd even told off Peeves when he began to tease us.

We reached the common room and right as we stepped inside a 5th year ran up to Todd, batting her eyelashes in what I assumed she thought was a seductive way.

"Hey Todd." She smiled and felt his arm. "Professor Dumbledor wants to see you." She flicked her blonde hair out of her face.

"Oh…" He sighed.

"Want me to walk with you?" The girl questioned, standing up straight.

"No, I can find my way on my own thanks." He gave the girl an odd glance, and then looked back at me. "I'll see you later, okay Lily?" He kissed my cheek and walked back out the portrait hole.

The Fifth year stared at me through angry blue eyes, her mouth open in surprise.

"What?" I asked.

"You already have James Potter at your feet! You don't need Todd Hennessey!" She said loudly and stormed off. I watched her go, and then leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. I really did love James. But I could have Todd, I couldn't have James. I gulped, and then walked up to my dorm.

Lying on my bed, I stared at the ceiling. Why did being a girl have to be so full of Drama? If I wrote down all the things that went on, it could make a novel. Yeah, that's right…

My Life, a Dramatic Novel.

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**A/N Sorry there was no Lily-James in this chapter, I know many of my reviewers have been begging for more of it but this chapter was essential for the story line. :)**

**Also, I'm looking for a Beta for both this story and "Secrets Don't Make Friends" this means you A: Get to read the chapters before everyone else and B: I'll help promote your stories if you write any. I'm looking for perferably two Betas, but if I can only find one thats okay too. I need you to be online around once a day (If you go on vacation, don't sweat it, I understand) and have good knowladge for Grammar and such. Mostly just to yell at me when I make idiotic mistakes. Thanks **

**The lovely Jen Riddle.**

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